Being “malas” sometimes I believe is not an intrinsic phenomenon to human being. But I don’t dare to go through with it all the time. Yesterday is a ghastly day for me. here’s what happened. After my Econ class, I went to Vinsons and ate my lunch. Then after a rest from being full, I went to Vinson’s restroom and took some hygienic rituals. As I went to BA, my face started to became intolerable itchy!! As in, then rashes started. In short, nahigad ata ako. Darn as in. I had to go home coz it started to spear half of my face. It was really scary. I panicked so much that I was not able to leave my reaction paper about SONA to anyone. At home after sleeping, gosh, my right eye just coul not be opened. I was so scared talaga. Kuya Errol gave me some medication but it didn’t help either. My only consolacion that day was Tol called me on phone. I miss him ssooo much. So this morning, I decided to go to infirmary and not to attend classes. And I realized, I lost my ID!! The doctor gave me some prescriptions without even carefully examining my eyes. I wonder how expert he is? Before going to Mercury, I passed to BA and asked the guard if she happened to receive any lost and found ID. Thanks God, a good-hearted person saw my ID! At Mercury, I was shock to learn that the prescriptions cost P400+ but I only had P200+ in me. so there, I only bought the ointment and not the capsule. Wheeww. I wish this would not happen again to me.

Thursday

Half-day class sometimes is not good. I had more time preparing to go to school than staying there! Today’s the investiture rites of President Roman for being the UP President. I only had one class for today- econ 100.1. Prof. Monsod only gave a powerpoint presentation of the fiscal crisis, not the usual lecture in econ, but an application, she said. At home, I wasted my time watching Dawn of the Dead. This movie sucks. Got no idea what the plot is. It’s not worth watching but worth for time wasting.

Friday

Half-day ulit aq. Had no class for BA 175, and aint in the mood to attend BA 142 kaya un. Naglaba na lang ako ng first batch ng dirty clothes ko. Then slep. Then at night, we watched evil apolypse ata ung title. Okei naman. It’s a suspense movie.

Saturday

Spent the whole day at Tivoli Country Club just at the back of Ever Commonwealth. And yey! We were the overall champ for Bacbacan I. in the morning, there was cheering competition. Ttapos my accident pa, one junior na hinagis eh di nasambot. Kawawa naman sha. The mr. and ms. Bacbacan was fun especially our batch’s presentation about Darna!! Alos enjoyed watching basketball. The best batch was sophies followed by freshies. Ang galling nung 3-pointer ng freshi, look-alike pa ni Miguel chavez. Went home soo late. pano kasi, can’t go alone, the club was bit far from the highway and I need to ride in a taxi, so I had to wait. Our batch even decided to eat at shakey’s in Katips, but I need to be home na. buti na lang, Owen offered her car for a ride kaya yun, nakauwi din ako.

I’m in a bad mood today. I’m just wondering why other people just love dissing others without thinking that they’re hurting them, or they just intend to do it. I’ve been receiving messages that really pissed me off. I don’t know if I would believe those things but hey, won’t people just stop doing this and that and just be content with their lives? I know, X is doing this because X might be true but I won’t believe X either. As I’m saying, I’m sticking to the people I know not to those I do not. I don’t think i’m doing the wrong decision. I just want to play safe. If what X is telling is true, hell to me, I should have listened to her. But as long as, I’m still feeling sound I won’t do it. I’m doing all these for the sake of my threatened happiness. I know, happiness complements sorrow. But not now. I still don’t wanna surrender my happiness just by listening to baseless murmurs. Yea, murmurs totally affects me. I’m just human who get hurt. But still, I insist. I need to rely to people I know. I’m willing to fight for it. Though some tell me that I am obviously being taken for nothing, that I need to get back to reality that this thing is ruining my life.  I still insist that I’ll stick to status quo. Period. Nothing more, nothing less.

It’s been a long time na pala. Honestly, I’m loosing energy blogging. For the past weeks, my life has been in a series of Ups and DOWNs. I know this is but a natural phenomenon but it somehow makes me “torete”. I feel emotions I do not used to feel. For a week or two, I was in bliss just to know someone out here cares for me. the feeling of being in love always sends a beautiful music to my ears, paints amazing sceneries amids the polluted Manila. You know, I all had these and that that I would define as the factors that would complete my life. I had this dreams that I hope “ito na yun”, na sana tumagal But certainly, it would not be as easy as I wish to. Accompanying such decision to be committed are responsibilities, insecurities, and fears and similar scary things. Giving myself brings a lot of sacrifices and phobias. First, I never am sure that what I took part into was really a serious mutual decision or was I just the one serious but the other was not and would not be? It’s the scariest part, when you know that all I experienced was part of my temporary files in my life. I hope it’s not but it seems to behave that way. I know it’s my fault to eat what I promised, what I said. I said that i won’t take it seriously, but then I was trapped to fall into deep seriousnees in this relationship. Ang hirap kumawala. It’s hard to forget and live anew. I can’t start my day of like any ordinary day without thinking, “anu nba ang lagay”. And it’s honestly tormenting me. no one likes this feeling I am feeling right now. I’m never sure of the days ahead if thses would favor me or not. I never am sure if he’s serious or not. I’m getting serious these days, maybe as part of becoming mature(yuck) individual. Naiinis talaga ako, I can’t get my composure. I have reservations and I cannot fully make my day happy because of this. I’m trying to forget but the hope that It would gonna be okay prevents me from doing so. Also ,I’ve been torn thses days. Some of my friends told me NOT TO GIVE UP, but others say I’m becoming irrational, of seeing things as okay even if it’s not, that I must stop this delusion because it won’t do me any good. I followed the former, but it did not give me any sense of peace and relief. Don’t really know what I must do. I badly need to move on coz my acads has been sacrificed but i don’t have the gutt and motivation to do. It’s absolutely making me worthless but then being practical and forgetting him won’t do me any good either. It’s like giving up happiness for the sake of this and that. it’s like putting myself in a shallow grave. Up to know, I haven’t made any decisions. All I still do and do and do for the longest time is maintain the status quo and believe all what he says. Bit that is all I can do. As he said, I have to trust him, and I’m doing it. I just hope I’m right. I think I need a break, I need to reflect. But I have been reflecting but I came to no solutions at all. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t permit myself to get deeply involved but again as he said, serendipity and destiny. I hope, too soon, that everything will be okay for me and tol.

PARTY CENTRAL (near ABS-CBN

I went to a concert – Independence Day Session of NU 107. With 80 bucks, I got to watch bands plus free SMB Pale Pilsen. Thanks to kuya Ryan who treated us. We were five who went there, three drunkards and two not. Kuya, ryan Silvestre, RD Almeda, and Pedong Bonamy, and Kaye. Mejo nakakainis nga lang kasi the bouncers were so strict at the gate. We spent half of our time outside kaya di naming nnapanuod ung other bands like chicosci. Outside palang, I saw same set of punks making tambay and sniffing doobie. I smelled a free one, hehe. tapos, nakapasok kami sa loob Parokya na ang tumutugtog. Thanks to some bouncers who prioritized the girls. There, I saw biboy and ocho of queso. Hmmm. What I enjoyed  (only), was Sandwich, the last to play. Ang bangag ni Raymund. May hinila shang isang girl from the pit tapos ung girl ung kumanta sa two trick pony. The girl got a kiss from raymund and diego haha. Ang astig nung girl, haha. Before going there, I already had a bad condition. it worsened the following day. Nagkatrangkaso nako at sobrang hirap talga plus I had my period. San din a lang aq nanuod

On agot javate

I cried and cried when I learned that agot died. Yun pla, it was a wrong news. Yes!! He’s alive and kicking!

FETE de la Musique. The yearly music Festival 150 plus bands

June 18 at El Pueblo
and The Podium. Do swing by (oh, and pray it doesn't
RAIN!!!)!:)
150 bands. 10 genres. 7 stages. One night.
MAIN STAGE (World/Reggae/Ska/Halo-halo at Nagomi El
Pueblo Parking)
4:30-5:00      Garlic
5:00-5:30      Butong Pakwan
5:30-6:00      Nityalila
6:00-6:30      Hemp Republic
6:30-7:00      Sing India
7:00-7:30      Yerbaguena
7:30-8:00      Kadangyan
8:15-8:45      Pre-opening: Hairy Dawgz/
Capoiera/Zips/
Pinikpikan percs and gongs/K-honistas
8:45-9:00      Opening: Cynthia Alexander
9:00-9:30      Cynthia Alexander
9:30-10:00      Tropical Depression
10:00-10:30      Spy
10:30-11:00      Jr. Kilat
11:00-11:30      Makiling Ensemble
11:30-12:00      Bayang Barrios
12:00-12:30      Loquy
12:30-1:00      Brass Munkeys
1:00-1:30      Reggae Mistress
1:30-2:00      Brownbeat All Stars
2:00-2:30      Indio I
2:30-3:00      Radioactive Sago Project
3:00-3:45      Pinikpikan
ROCK STAGE(Racks El Pueblo Parking)
3:15-3:30      Death by Tampon
3:30-3:45      Taggu nDios
3:45-4:00      Sique
4:00-4:15      Rugis
4:15-4:30      Plane Divides the Sky
4:30-4:45      13 Needles
4:45-5:00      Severo
5:00-5:15      Silent Sanctuary
5:15-5:30      Still
5:30-5:45      Brockas
5:45-6:00      Shards of Ice
6:00-6:15      Kinky Hooters
6:15-6:30      Join Da Club
6:30-6:45      Happy Meals
6:45-7:00      Cog
7:00-7:15      Boy Elroy
7:15-7:30      Dicta License
7:30-7:45      Zoom Zoom Lunacy
7:45-8:00      Ciudad
8:00-9:00      (All stages freeze for Opening Ritual,
drum
jam parade from Alt stage to Main)
9:00-9:20      Sandwich
9:20-9:40      Monkeyspank
9:40-10:00      Kwjan
10:00-10:20      Itchyworms
10:20-10:40      Cambio
10:40-10:50      Pinoy Blonde Segment
10:50-11:10      Imago
11:10-11:30      Kapatid
11:30-11:50      Twisted Halo
11:50-12:10      Sugarfree
12:20-12:40      Hellbender
12:40-1:00      DRT
1:00-1:20      Boldstar
1:20-1:40      Greyhoundz
1:50-2:10      Razorback
2:10-2:30      Chicosci
2:30-2:50      Nuncy Spungen
2:50-3:10      Mayonnaise
3:10-3:30      Typecast
3:30-3:50      Monsterbot
ALTERNATIVE STAGE (Podium Front Driveway)
3:15-3:30      Cueshe
3:30-3:45      Ang Bandang Shirley
3:45-4:00      Splitcide
4:00-4:15      Paramita
4:15-4:30      Mush Carnival
4:30-4:45      Milk N Money
4:45-5:00      Mozzie
5:00-5:15      Nancy Drool
5:15-5:30      Pinoy Stories
5:30-5:45      Sino Sikat?
5:45-6:00      Rock Steady
6:00-6:15      The Late Isabel
6:15-6:30      Bobby Parks Movement
6:30-6:45      Kinetic Daze
6:45-7:00      Dirty Kitchen
7:00-7:15      Olympic Smoker
7:15-7:30      Sundownmuse
7:30-7:45      Dale Ibay
7:45-8:00      Hiraya
8:00-9:00      (All stages freeze for Opening Ritual,
drum
jam parade from Alt stage to Main)
9:00-9:20      Mojofly
9:20-9:40      Sheila & the insects
9:40-10:00      Bridge
10:00-10:20      Rinka
10:20-10:40      Juan Pablo Dream
10:50-11:10      Hale
11:10-11:30      UpDharamaDown
11:30-11:50      Pedicab
11:50-12:10      Barbie’s Cradle
12:20-12:40      Pinwheel
12:40-1:00      Stonefree
1:00-1:20      Narda
1:20-1:40      Kitchie Nadal
1:50-2:10      Moonstar88
2:10-2:30      Spongecola
2:30-2:50      KikoMachine
2:50-3:10      Session Road
3:10-3:30      Salindiwa
BLUES STAGE (Sidebar)
9:00-9:30      Blue Jean Junkies
9:30-10:00      Huka
10:00-11:00      Bluesviminda
11:00-11:45      DC Aftershock
11:45-12:30      Naked Tongue
12:30-1:00      Taglay Silang
1:00-1:45      Mr. Crayon
1:45-2:15      Freeway Jam
2:15-2:50      Sammy Asuncion
3:00-3:45      The Jerks
Jazz Stage (San Mig Pub)
9:00-9:45      Bo Razon
9:45-10:15      Isha
10:15-10:45      Sound
10:45-11:15      Skarlet & Jazz Friends
11:15-11:45      Quail Quintet
11:45-12:30      Mother Earth
12:30-1:00      Wahijuara
1:00-1:45      Mishka Adams/ Blues Echoes
1:45-2:15      Subconcept
2:15-3:00      Jazz Volunteers
3:00-3:45      Johnny Alegre Affinity
Electronica (Pasto)
3:30-4:00      Makkina
4:00-4:40      Crystal Echo
4:40-5:20      Chox
5:20-6:00      Names are for Tombstones
6:00-6:40      Flipperbaby
6:40-7:20      Bagetsafonik
7:20-7:40      One Lone Clone
7:40-8:20      Daydream Cycle
9:00-9:40      Drip
9:40-10:20      Morse
10:20-11:00      Silverfilter
11:00-11:40      Wolfmann
11:40-12:20      Rubberinc
12:20-1:00      Neon8
1:00-1:40      Dayuhan
1:40-2:20      Trip M
2:20-3:00      Skies of Ember
Hiphop/R&B (Friends)
9:00-9:45      Out of Body Special
9:50-10:00      Kaliph8
10:00-10:10      Ginn and Razor Ray
10:10-10:15      Audible
10:15-10:25      Gloc9
10:25-10:40      Butta-Flava
10:45-11:00      Miscellaneous
11:00-11:20      Syke
11:20-11:40      Turbulence
11:45-12:00      Mike Swift
12:00-12:10      Jocelyn
12:10-12:30      Pikaso
12:30-12:45      Seven Shots
12:50-1:10      SVC

Hay naku mas nagenjoy pako magtext with my newst textmate that time (jersey # 29) kesa manuod. The rock stage started late punyetah talga. Tapos one band had an exhibitionist members. Amputah, two got naked while playing! Pero wala pa rin, boring pa rin ung gabi ko. Btw, Miggy of chiosci was the host of rock stage. Tengteng was also one of the staff of rock stage. Ateneo ata ang in-charge sa rock if I’m not mistaken. Tapos ung alterna, okay din sana pero I was feeling exhausted that din a talga aq nagenjoy. Inaantok nako. Sa alterna, I only got to watch mojofly, session road,moonstar, and kitchie. Pano naman kasi and lawak ng ortigas at mejo nakakapagod na lumipat-lipat ng stage between el pueblo at sa the raks.

On tol

Spent two weeks with my tol. Sarap. Enjoy. Saya. Kantahan, tambay sa sunken, sa circle, sa sikatuna, sa mcdo, sa Fairview, sa church. Basta, I enjoyed it. no need to add details. Hehe.

Sunset always gives me a feeling a sadness. It tells me, it’s the end of the day again. Its color brings melancholy. But look at this sunset, it’s awful yet alluring. And by the way, it was taken in our province...

i'm happy today!!!

words are not enough...

i just feel love,awww

I usually end my day either happy or sad. This time it’s different. I ended my day and tag myself as ill-timed today. Here’s my round-up: around 6:30 am mom and kaye called and instructed me to go to UP Manila to get Kaye’s password for her online enlistment of subjects. I always picture the place as near Quiapo and along Taft as the dirtiest, smokiest, and most congested place in manila that I avoid going in any of them. Taft Ave seems to suffocate me, the fact that it has LRT (tama ba) station there that makes the avenue narrower. But I had to go coz it’s a command.  

 So I just rode in an FX to cool me. I was not so familiar with UP Manila so I stopped in front of PGH and took the long route to College of Pharmacy. I just discovered the shorter route when I was looking for phone. In her college, the staff told me that I should have Kaye’s student number. I dunno her so I went to Taft and look for payphone that allows long distance calls. ( Remember, I don’t have cellphone with me). so what I did was buy a P 50-touch card. I followed all the instructions but I still could not call mom’s cellphone. After many attempts, I called Kuya and clarify mom’s cell no. then tried again. but again failed. So I called again kuya and sha nalang makitext to get Kay’es student number. At last I was able to contact mama but the call always stop almost every 5-7 seconds and my balance was deducted for the whole minute for every stop. It was unfair! Than there were times that mama was unattended.       

After getting her student number, I returned to her college. But BIG SHIT to them. They told me that authorization letter is needed or Kaye should better go there personally. Even I explained that Kaye’s in the province, that I don’t have her IID and password because she was holddapped wasn’t an excuse at all. You know, when I really feel I’m bursting and very furious, I tend to cry. And that’s what happened. I went out and cried. When I’m mad, twas what I do usually. I tend to become speechless that I cant defend myself. Only after sometimes calming myself that I am able to clear and organize my thoughts again.

          Then in the evening, the weather was scary. Thunder and lightnings filled the air. Nakakinis talaga, kasi I also could not play cds coz the player was not functioning! Then my last nakakainis na nangyari was my printer was also sira!! Kuya could not print his paper. Buti na lang my warranty pa sha, pero nakakainis talaga.

**“when I was not looking for love, you gave it to me,

when I was looking for you, so big is the impossibility”

          hey, I constructed this phrase that describe my naunsyaming pag-ibig. Sad as it is, but that’s really is. You sometimes get the desires of your heart but sometimes not. But in the end, you’ll feel happy that you realize it’s not completely the end of the world. Life has to move on. And that’s what I’m doing now. Though I occasionally resent my past, but that’s the natural process of healing. I still have my family – the one who give me unconditiona love. I’m just praying for those people in my past to live life anew. Learn to appreciate and learn to live with it without harshing anyone and without harming themselves. Aaawww, how have I been so romanticist for the past few days!

**Whew! Yes! I’m loving LIFE again. I’m so in love with it. Positive energies are coming in. God has been good to me. I love you all. Ang weird talaga when I feel love or just having a crush. I blush uncontrollably, so it’s obvious. Or it makes my day. Ang weird talaga kasi i don’t choose the people I’d be liking. He may be anyone basta I find something in him kakaiba. Haha, I saw my new crush again. actually every afternoon, sometimes morning. I just like his voice and his eyes. Kilig!

**ALARMED!

After two sems ahead, I’d soon ending my university life. All I can say: ang bilis. I didn’t enjoy that much. I’m expecting that this last year of my being a UPian to be rigorous. So my most probable dilemma is how can I make the remaining acad life in UP enjoyable and productive. Setting schedule might help. And setting objectives to be attained, also. Damn, am I that OC (obsessive compulsive) to detail all what I gonna do? Kewlness.

But hey, what is more alarming is that ain’t prepared yet to face my after-graduation life. I still don’t wanna define more mature roles for myself. See, I’m still a child by heart. I still wanna take adventures, to go beyond the borders, to live illegally. That’d the most definite things I’m taking. Hehe. you know, to say to yourself that at some point in my life I experience those dangers.